11 Ways To Show Respect To Your Teenager And Gain Their Trust

I have heard it SO many times, some well-meaning middle-aged person watching my children innocently flock around me everywhere I go, would stop me and say “Be sure to enjoy those little years, the teenager years are unbearable!”

Here are 11 Ways To Show Respect To Your Teenager And Gain Their Trust

That would always bring a grip of sadness around my heart, not that I believed them no, quite the opposite! It was the fact that someone would take time time to warn me that my children were going to be terrible humans in a few short years.

The question in the back of my mind for a while was, why? And then… you realize when you start seeing and hearing how the world views teenagers. They literally expect teenagers are inevitably going to be out of control and disrespectful! It is what’s expected!

Here is an honest thought though, for those of us that are parenting at all. If someone walked around talking about you and destroying our age group and acting terrified of you turning another year older, how would you respond? I can tell you, as much as I don’t want to respond in a negative way, at that age I would definitely find myself struggling for a multitude of reasons.

#1 Preparing

When you first become a parent, you are likely reading every resource out there for how to deal with babies, toddler years, and childhood.

We as parents need to put as much effort into understanding the teenage brain, the hormonal imbalances, and the teen’s needs, as we do the little years. We need to make sure we are not sitting on a high horse mocking these years and making comments about how horrible they are.

Are there challenges? Yes! Do many adults have major challenges too? Also yes!

Your teen is in a phase of life, that is it! We all are in different phases of life and that is okay. Let’s not make our teens feel like they are the world’s greatest challenge like I hear SO many people say almost without fail every time I take all my kids with me to town.

We need to stop the trash talk against our teens if we want to even start seeing a change in them.

Why Do Parents Act So Shocked When Their Older Kids Have Such A Hard Time?

Why are we shocked when we don’t have the teenager’s respect? They hear people right in front of them talk about how terrible those years are and if you don’t actively, play a role in combatting those thoughts with them, it can cause severe depression and problems in your relationship.

#2 Valuing Them As Children

When you are raising younger children, one thing I always try to remember is that one day your young people will be a young adults. I want them to know that I value their thoughts and interest and who they are as a person from a young age.

Younger kids will soak up every bit of time you invest into them, if you can earn their trust, the teenage years will likely not be as hard. It is up to us parents to make it a way of life for them to connect with us and feel the freedom to do so!

#3 Respecting Them As Humans

Respect is a two-way street in my opinion. If you don’t have some sort of mutual respect, you are up a creek without a paddle. The lack of respect for our teenagers in today’s society, it is a no wonder they struggle so much.

Your teen girls, your teen boys, deep down have a desire to fulfill their calling. Let’s not destroy everything about that at the doorstep of adulthood when they are actively walking through the changes from childhood to adulthood.

#4 Building Trust From A Young Age

Spending time with your child from a young age is a great way to start building a good relationship with your child! Be a safe place for them as children and when they are an older child they will know that they can trust you through the hard times.

Another practical way to do this is to start with what we say to them about who they are. To slander your teenager is just as wrong as any other sort of slander. You see them at their best and you see them at their worst. If you do not protect your teen’s privacy in this area it will be SO hard for them to have respect and trust for you.

#5 Prayerfully Preparing For The Changes

How many of us have taken time to really do some research into how to help our teenagers or as we like to call ours “young adults” to thrive in this time of their life? Do know how to help them gently navigate through this season of their life. Yes, it’s only a season, it helps to remember that during the hard times.

#6 Mentally Preparing For Changes

Your children when they hit this age, they are going into puberty which also means major hormone imbalance for a few short years. It’s really important to prepare our children so that we both can be proactive in how to deal with the hard things…

I LOVE what Jeramy and Jerusha Clark share on this topic! They have a book out called “Your Teenage Is Not Crazy” which covers the changes your teenager is going through. Why the mood swings?

Think about it… We mentally prepare for every meal, every anticipated event, every birthday, and just SO many details of life. The good news is? We can do the same for our teenagers.

Our mindset about the teenage years can really affect the teen years in a negative way or a positive way. This doesn’t NOT mean you won’t have bumps in the road just because you are mentally prepared for how to best support your young person. Even we as full-grown adults still have our highs and lows.

#7 What You Can Expect From Your Teenager

They will have times when they struggle with disrespectful behavior, they will have a bad attitude sometimes, and there may be power struggles sometimes… Just ask yourself though, who DOESN’T have days like that in their life? Just do your best to train them early on that there are respectful ways to deal with conflict and that helps SO much. The best thing to do for them in regards to this though, is to actually live it out for them as an example of how you face situations with them and others in life.

#8 Have Ground Rules In Place

Because you want to work through the adolescent years with your teenager doesn’t mean that you have to accept disrespectful behavior. One of our ground rules is that if we need to say something and we are in the heat of the moment, it’s important to let both parties take a deep breath and spend a few minutes making sure our attitudes are correct before we share our point of view.

At the end of the day, more times than not, even if my teenager shares their point of view and I can’t change my decision for something that was done. I at least took the time to hear them out and validate their concern. Just because their point of view is different than yours doesn’t mean it at the very least should be heard out. Just realizing yours, remember, you are likely trying to raise a free-thinking adult, and giving your teen respect, goes SUCH a long way!

#9 Fight Fair

I SO appreciated the thoughts from Focus On The Family “4 Powerful Ways to Love Your Teens and Help Them Like You Back (Maybe)”

While currently, my teens don’t hate me, the fighting fair concept has played a huge role in earning our teen’s respect. Here is a quote from that article below and I will link to the whole post here as well.

”Conflict isn’t the problem; knowing how to resolve it peaceably is. In our home, we call healthy conflict resolution “fighting fair.” The goal is to reach a compromise or truce with a greater understanding of each other, rather than wounding each other with dagger-like words or cold indifference. When we stick to the rules of a good, clean fight, the resolution is always better.

If you want your teens to engage in a meaningful discussion devoid of name-calling, low blows, running away, eye rolling and dismissive speech, show them how. This means you:

Listen in order to understand.
Don’t criticize things the other can’t change, such as learning ability, physical agility and appearance.
Don’t use physical violence or coercion.
Stick to one issue at a time.
Believe the best until guilt is proven.
Reserve your veto power for the biggest issues.
Concede when you’re wrong.
Ask forgiveness when necessary (even when your disrespect was instigated by his or hers).

The key to modeling a fair fight with a hormone-charged teenager is to keep your own emotions under control. Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

I highly recommend reading the entirety of the article as it has SO much wisdom to offer for those of us in this position of having the honor to raise a teenager.

#10 Dealing With Consequences

Another rule I have is that I try to NOT figure out consequences for my kids in the heat of the moment. I sat down a while ago when my teens were in good moods and we all discussed and decided what we thought would be fair. I get their input, and what was crazy to me, is that they picked consequences that were harsher than what I would have even given them. Of course, I didn’t use those, as I want consequences to fit the failure if you will. I loved being able to see how my teen feels about different things on the topic of consequences.

The most important thing I feel is that you should NOT humiliate your teen when having to give consequences. Give them the same respect you would want when you fail. Be a good role model allow them to hear that you too fail and that it is a part of life. For them to see you humble yourself speaks volumes to them as an example.

#11 Read Your Teenage Is Not Crazy

Yes, I will be linking this book a couple of times, as it impacted me SO much. It gave me a better understanding of what my teens might be going through and ways to add value to the teenage experience rather than to shame them through those years.

With all the changes taking place as they cross the bridge from childhood to adulthood. Be their biggest fan as they navigate these years and you just may find that your relationship goes way deeper than you ever imagined it could.

If you enjoyed this post, go ahead and check out the posts below…

RESOURCE LINKS:

Your Teenager Is Not Crazy

4 Powerful Ways to Love Your Teens and Help Them Like You Back (Maybe)