Here are 31 Questions Your Son Needs You To Ask Him..
Learning to start asking your son questions, is a great way to build up your relationship with him, and this is one of the most important things you will do during their childhood.
The first thing I would like to share here is a letter I wrote to my son for his 13th birthday this year. I wasn’t intending to share but, if it can in any way support you as your raise your owns sons then it is worth it.
That being said here is the letter…
Letter To My 13-Year-Old Son
Happy 13th Birthday! I can not believe we are here already! When they say life is a vapor, it is no joke, my heart feels this one deeply.
From the first time I held you in my arms, my life was changed. I never felt SO fiercely protective, incredibly terrified, completely inadequate, and SO helplessly in love at the same time.
To me, I couldn’t understand how in the blink of an eye I could feel this way about someone until you, my firstborn son and child.
If I am completely honest, because of some things from my past, I was terrified of raising a son. Would I be able to raise a son who was gentle and kind, who was protective of those in his care, one who would defend the weak? Would he be the kind of man who would care more about doing what is right rather than being right? Would he choose a good name over great riches?
Even now as I write this to you, the tears can’t be held back… I know I have failed you, there are SO many nights I have lied awake wondering if I was the best mom you possibly needed that day. I always pray that though I make mistakes, you will be able to overcome in your life through His strength alone, knowing that He is your rock all the days of your life.
After everything I just said, as I have seen you grow up into the young man you are becoming. I have been learning to rest in the fact that your successes and failures will just be a part of life’s journey and while I can walk through them with you, and be a shoulder to lean on… These ups and downs will be what grow you in your life. I pray that when you do face them you will know that you are stronger than the struggle.
I pray that in a world where men at every turn are being taken down, you would not let that get to you. That you would realize the world NEEDS men who will rise, stand up for what is right, help to protect the weaker, it needs men that will be lead servants and instead of lead bosses. The world needs masculinity, not the kind that hurts and hinders, but the kind that does the right thing no matter the cost and never loses the strength a man brings to the world.
Son, you have taught me so many lessons, you bring joy to life with your lightheartedness on those days when I am feel a little stressed about the needs of the day. You rarely let people get to you, when someone makes an off-handed comment that could have been hurtful, you always seem to handle it with grace and calmness that I really don’t think I would have. That takes maturity and also having a healthy confidence in who you are!
I love that you are always ready to hit the dance floor with me, I hope you never grow out of that, however, I guess I would understand if you did… I love how you have riddles and jokes that come so easily.
You are to book smart for your own good, but, again I have learned a lot from you. You are willing to research hard topics and take an unbiased approach, which is hard to do for most adults.
You requested to me, that you not be called a teenager when you turned 13, your reason why? Teenagers get a bad name for doing ridiculous things with a free pass. You want to be considered a young adult so that you will hold yourself to a higher standard and do your best to live up to growing into a man of character.
Son, I truly cannot believe this day has come, but I look forward to watching you grow into who you have been called to be in this world.
One last thing I would like to say… The world is full of crazy cray right now… I want to encourage you though son, that in a world full of hate, be a light. Do this without compromising the truth, but also with compassion. You may find yourself standing alone at times in life and that is okay! Do it anyway even if it is hard because you will never regret it.
I love you always and forever,
To Be Or Not To Be A Friend
I have heard it said that you are not your child’s friend and while I get that there is a time and place where that is true and sometimes we are the parent only… I wholeheartedly believe especially as they get older that you are also to be there as a good friend when needed.
If they are having a hard time and just need to talk through something they are personally working through… Yes, be their best friend for a bit! You will get to know them on a deeper level by showing up for them when and where they need it, as they mature.
Listen, if you can’t be this for them, they will either internalize it or find someone else period.
The best thing for their healthy growth into maturity is that they trust you enough to be able to discuss the hard things…
And I don’t know about other parents but for me, friendship is a must when trying to foster meaningful conversations…
Of course, when you are dealing with young children, it is a good idea to remember the dynamics of your relationship are going to look slightly different…
31 Questions Your Son Needs You To Ask
Now don’t underestimate the power of funny questions, you don’t want them to always be serious. If you haven’t already spent time with your son like this, the best way to get started is by being light-hearted.
This is just a list of questions, to inspire more of your own questions, as you get to know your son.
- What is your favorite thing to do?
- Where is your favorite place to go?
- What is the worst thing you have ever had to deal with?
- What is your favorite subject in school?
- What is your favorite dessert?
- What is your favorite food?
- What is your favorite song?
- If you could describe the perfect day, what would it be?
- What is the best gift you have ever received?
- What is your favorite movie and why?
- What is a character trait you admire in a man?
- What is your greatest interest?
- What do you wish I understood about you?
- What does your sister do that annoys you?
- What does your sister do that encourages you?
- What does your brother do that annoys you?
- What does your brother do that encourages you?
- What is your favorite outdoor activity?
- If you could choose one place to go anywhere in the world where would it be, and why?
- What are some ways that I could support you in your current interest?
- What sort of things bothers you, that you wish you could fix?
- What skills would you like to get better at?
- What is one characteristic you admire in your mom?
- What is one characteristic that you admire in your dad?
- If you could climb a mountain, what mountain would you climb?
- What is your favorite memory?
- What is the hardest thing you have ever had to face?
- What is your favorite activity do to as a family?
- What is your favorite thing to do alone?
- Do you know that I am SO thankful I GET to be your parent? (mom or dad)
- What is your favorite thing about being a part of our family?
Remember These Questions Are To Spark Conversations
These questions are just a good conversation starter… Don’t go through the entire list and overwhelm them.
If you start spending time with them regularly and really try to get to know them, with no agenda of your own… That is when you will likely see a positive change in your relationship, which can then lead to the two-way conversation that you are hoping to get.
It’s the little things over time that you do to build your relationship with your son, that are going to pay off beautifully once they realize how much you truly value them, shortcomings and all.
Some Of These Questions Will Lead To Great Follow-Up Questions
As your son gives you his answers, this is a great opportunity to take mental notes of other questions you could ask him either in the moment or for future hangouts.
What If He Has No Interest?
Honestly, this could be a valid concern and that could be tough! However, maybe you could start a “question of the day” type thing.
For me, these questions get asked during our weekly tea time.
Try to keep it lighthearted and as time goes by and you build trust with him then you can slip those meaningful questions in.
On a side note, if your son is not interested, an important question to ask yourself, is why? It may be that you need to start from the ground up with simple questions naturally. If you are dealing with older children they may not be used to your interest in them in this way.
That being said, don’t let your child’s skepticism stop you, just do your best to feel out how to start connecting in a fun way with them, start with the fun questions. If you show interest in what they enjoy, in time they may start trusting you with the more serious things.
Get Rid Of Your Expectations
If you happen to have younger children, you are reading this at a great time in their life. The earlier you start the better. I recommend getting rid of your expectations for your children.
This is what I mean when I say drop your expectations… If you decided your child is going to college, going to be a football player, a doctor, will be a hero in baseball, or a famous musician… You are literally trying to live your dream life through your child… This is NOT fair to them, and when you project your dream on them, you strip away a part of them that may desire to do something else. They may feel they can’t share with you what their true passion is because you already have their entire life planned out.
What if they want to do a trade that has nothing to do with YOUR dreams for them? Do you want your older kids to connect with you? Start by listening to their desires for the things they want to accomplish in life, a lot of time the things people are drawn to doing are the things that they are called to actually do in their life.
It’s Okay If It Looks Messy At First
Yes, its okay if it starts out messy, you may even get hurt along the way but, do your absolute best to keep coming back.
For the rest of your life, you will never regret doing your best to get to know your children because at the end of the day, they are one of your most valuable treasures in life.
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